Wednesday, September 23, 2015

9/22/15: Guerrilla Yoga (aka, The War of the Flies (aka, Car-Seat Yoga))

So, I was attacked by flies.

The beach, hearing I was back in town, had cried out for reacquaintment, and I obliged. Heading there, I thought it would be a routine visit -- which is to say, splendid. Just routine. I was wrong on both counts.

Flies. A swarm of vicious, unrelenting, biting flies. They assaulted me within minutes of my first asana, and just didn't quit. I tried ignoring them; waving them away; swatting at them, peacefully but violently, in the name of yoga and its greater good -- without success. Unflagging, the flies continually disrupted me, their burning, wasp-like bites strong enough to sabotage all breathing and stretching and concentration. I'd never had this problem before -- but how? A seasonal thing, maybe? A harbinger of Fall at the beach? Not mosquitoes, these flies, which looked every bit like everyday, harmless houseflies, but most definitely were not. Mosquitoes, for me, are tolerable, being mere nuisances in both presence and bite. These mystery-flies were simply murderous, their constant bites leaving big, red, throbbing, bee-sting-like welts. I couldn't even smile my way through the onslaught, which is shockingly rare for me.

Hence, "The War of the Flies."

I tried moving, eventually. A frenzied, neurotic little dance across the beachfront, it probably appeared to any onlookers, unable to see my tiny nemeses. This worked for a couple asanas, but then the flies stuck with me, perhaps getting wise.

Hence, "Guerrilla Yoga."

Finally, I ended up at the last resort: my car seat, in the sanctity of my hermetically sealed, fly-free cab. Thankfully, I'd already completed most of the totally car-seat-incompatible asanas while out on the battlefront beach, so I was able to do the rest while perched in my hot car -- awkward, improper, bastard versions of the stretches, but yoga, no less. And, excepting my frog squats and back bends (which required me to step out and make use of the parking lot temporarily -- more guerrilla yoga), I did do the rest, completing my session for the most part.

Me: 1. Flies: 0. I win.

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